Tag Archive | compassion

Perspective

I’ve been mulling this conversation over in my head for the past year. And what a year it’s been. But the subjects are building and if I wait any longer, it will turn into a novel and nobody will want to read it.

I’m reading so many posts anti-Trump/anti-Obama, women’s march/anti-women’s march, politically correct/anti-politically correct. I can go on. The subjects are endless and it seems like people are searching for anything to argue about. The one thing that I’ve noticed as I’ve sat back (well, most of the time) is that these subjects are black and white, defined lines. Nothing is monochrome or blurry. Is that accurate or true? I’m here to say in my opinion that I don’t think it is.

My entire life when I have encountered a person who has done a kindness on another, I have always told them, “Bless your heart.” And I’ve meant it. I have wished miracles and blessings upon them and their heart because they were so kind to another. As I’ve found out recently, that term doesn’t mean the same to me as it does to others. For awhile I struggled with not saying it because I didn’t want to offend anyone. Then I realized that how I say and mean it makes a huge difference. I say it with love, kindness and sincerity. It is never misconstrued as an insult. So I am back to blessing a kind person’s heart and soul. It feels good and right to me. But I never post it in a text or social media because without hearing the words, it could easily be twisted and taken completely out of context.

This presidential thing. Oy vey, are we in a mess. Again, black or white. I’d like to point out the monochrome I mentioned earlier. As a human being, I respect Obama and absolutely adore Michelle. She is graceful and classy. As a president, no, I didn’t like Obama. I didn’t respect the decisions he made as a president that affected the town I lived in, my husband’s job and healthcare. We lived in fear for eight years, wondering when we were going to lose everything.

I also don’t believe that everyone should enjoy the same benefits in life. My entire working life, which started at a very young life, I have struggled. I’ve put in 14-16 hour days, sometimes two or three jobs to get where I am at today. I’m still not where I want to be but I’m getting there. Why should I help pay someone else’s way, who is not my family, to live a lifestyle similar to mine while they choose to stay at home and do nothing? If you want cell phones, cars, eating at restaurants, a nice roof over your head then work for it. If you physically can’t (legitimately, not some excuse) then there are programs out there but they shouldn’t be paying for your Escalade, cell phones and designer sunglasses.

While Trump scares the bejimminies out of me, I also agree that there needs to be a change. We were not all created equal, hard work is a reality, life isn’t fair is truth. Things happen. Destroying property that isn’t your own shows how far the pendulum has swung in the direction of immaturity. Our laws have become so slack that you can break the law and not worry about being punished. Heck, with the right attorney you won’t even get a slap on the wrist. What happened to being held accountable for your actions?  Those who are breaking the law are blaming their actions on others. I didn’t realize we had raised a bunch of puppets. I have no problem with protesting. It’s how things get done, attention brought to the wrongs in our society. But when it’s done with hatred, violence and disrespect for others, I won’t participate. Even if I agree with you. Respect used to be earned, now it’s expected. If you can’t respect another person’s point of view and beliefs, how can they respect yours? You expect me to listen to your pain, your hurt but you won’t listen to mine? Life doesn’t work that way.

Which brings me to the latest women’s march. This was a tough one for me and I’ll admit, I didn’t handle it the best on my social media page. I “shared” a post which I mostly agreed with but I didn’t change it to share my tone/personality. This morning I saw another post attacking the post I and many other women had shared. I saw this woman’s point of view because she “spoke” with some respect. I deleted my post but I haven’t changed my opinion on the march. Since this is my blog, I can take the time to remove the emotion from my “voice” and try to explain my position respectfully.

Why I didn’t support the march. This other blogger summarized that the reason “I” (generalizing women who didn’t support this movement) is because we didn’t grow up with hardships, we didn’t struggle or suffer so we needed to be put in our place and have compassion for those who have. That is the post that at first, infuriated me but instead of lashing out on my social media page, I decided it was time to stop, calm myself and post on my own blog.

I am the epitome of everything this woman was talking about in her blog. I grew up in a household where verbal and physical abuse occurred. Money was a very precious commodity. Just yesterday I came across a letter from the Governor of Colorado and the Colorado Ambassadors of Music congratulating me on being chosen as a participant in an All-Colorado performance tour of Europe. My band teacher, Ms. Stork, had recommended me to the board and I had been chosen. 25 days traveling Europe and I couldn’t go because my parents couldn’t afford the airfare. This letter was dated Sept. 16, 1985. That’s how much I wanted to go and how painful it was that I couldn’t. I was so proud of myself.

I was also legally emancipated by sixteen. At fifteen I had been kicked out of my house and lived a short time with my best friend. I still call her parents Mom and Dad. I didn’t graduate high school. I dropped out four months before graduation because I was not only working full-time, but I was fighting with my mother, bouncing from friend’s house to friend’s house for a roof over my head. I didn’t graduate with my classmates and it’s the reason I refuse to go to class reunions. They earned it, I did not. I got my GED and continued struggling in life.

After working minimum wage jobs for five years, I decided I wanted a better life. I chose automotive. I took out student loans and was accepted into a technical college. What the hell was I thinking? A high school drop-out, a woman, going into a male dominated field. Talk about asking for torture. And I did suffer. I was discriminated from the get-go. And do you know the comment that made me the angriest came from a woman? At graduation after I walked across the stage to accept my diploma, a woman came up to me while I was with my family and stated; “You don’t look like a mechanic.” I turned and smiled sweetly and asked, “Well, what is an automotive mechanic supposed to look like?” The discrimination came from both sides but it hurt the most coming from other women. I dealt with women who wanted to talk to a man because they knew about cars. Of course I had the men who wanted to talk to a man because, well, they knew about engines.

Discrimination came from higher up too. I was told by one dealership owner that I would never become the service manager because I was a woman. He kept me as an assistant service manager for over a year, enjoying the benefits of the customer service awards I won for his dealership. And the ultimate discrimination? How about getting fired for having a baby. It wasn’t sugar coated, glossed over, put nicely. I was told straight up that I was fired because I took maternity leave. And in the state of Colorado, any business with less than twenty employees can let you go for any reason, legally. So yes, I’ve dealt with the discrimination and difference in pay for over fifteen years.

The great thing about America is I can choose a different path, a different life. So I did. I murdered my boss who fired me for taking maternity leave. Well, metaphorically I did. I took all of that anger and hatred and I wrote a book and killed him. Damn, it felt good too. And I decided I wouldn’t work in a repair facility anymore. I taught automotive classes at Colorado State University, gave lectures, wrote newspaper articles. I called out repair shops who tried to take advantage of women. I worked and created the kind of life I wanted to live.

I’ve also experienced rape. A horrific, life-altering experience to be sure. It’s the reason my husband and I make our girls take Tae Kwon Do, why they learned gun safety at a young age and taught to listen to their instincts. You never honestly know what’s in a person’s soul.

Now I could take all of these terrible experiences and blame my childhood, blame society, talk about how awful life is but I will be the last person who will do that. My life is wonderful and I am blessed beyond belief. There are times I break down in tears, grateful for the life I have. I refuse to dwell on the negatives. I look for the window that opens when the door shuts. If I can’t find the window, I break down the wall and make my own escape. I can do anything in this life that I want to because I believe it and I work for it. If I have to put in a twenty-hour day, I will do it. I don’t look outside of myself to make things happen because I know I have the power to do it.

The older I get, the more I realize that those who handle themselves with grace and respect get heard the most. To have an intelligent debate, showing respect for the other person’s experiences and opinions, will have greater weight than words spewed in hate and anger. While I will admit I have “lost it” sometimes on social media, giving into my strong emotions, I will often delete my comments or apologize. I am human, I do make mistakes.

I have worked and fought so hard to be where I am at. I have incredible friends, a husband who honestly respects and honors who I am, daughters who look up to me, ask my opinion, value my teachings. So I refuse to act in a manner that is disrespectful. Putting on vagina hats, spewing hateful words and then trashing the streets with signs and litter is not the way to be heard or taken seriously. My children asked why all of the women were wearing clown hats and because I’m honest with my girls, I explained to them what was happening and what those hats really were. Their words; “that’s stupid.”

So the entire purpose of this protest was lost on many who would’ve taken it seriously, believed in the same cause, experienced the same things. I want to be taken seriously. I did not feel that this was the way to accomplish that.

So to the blogger who tried to label me, tried to box me, I respectfully argue with your position. Life is not black or white. It’s filled with different shades of color. It’s what makes us unique, special. Please don’t speak for me because you haven’t walked my path, nor I you. I won’t tell the world who you are, I won’t paint you black or white. I won’t put a label on you because I have respect for you as a fellow human being. I would appreciate the same respect.

Children, Animals, Kryptonite and Antibiotics

Since my last blog, I’ve received quite a few comments and questions as to whether or not I am alright. It seems that my normally friendly, sensitive nature took a vacation and my blunt, less than kind comments really concerned a few people. So I’ve taken the past week to really reflect on what is going on.

I have always been an animal lover. Anyone who knew my in my childhood can attest to that and my current friends also are aware of my passion. It’s one of the reasons we have so many critters on our little ranch. Since I’ve had my own two, beautiful little girls, I’ve become aware of the wrongs done to children and in turn, become very passionate to their rights. Children and animals have no rights, are often treated as objects and with social media bringing it to the front, it’s hard for me to ignore it. So my blood boils and I become physically sick when I see abuse, blatant or otherwise. What fired me up that day was a person who was trying to argue as to why they had allowed the abuse to continue. For over four years! I don’t care if you felt sad, lost, waiting for God to make that decision. You were the adult, this soul depended on you to protect and take care of it. By allowing the abuse to continue, you allowed that soul to suffer. It honestly broke my heart and I publicly lashed out. My bad.

Along with this dangerous combination is the fact I have been very, very sick for the past two months. The amount of prescribed medication is mind-blowing and my days are scheduled around when I have to take pills. This is not an excuse, it’s a fact, but I do need to hold myself accountable for how it reacts with my body. As my family has told me, I am a crabby person on this medicine. This is noted and I will not forget.

I have been struggling with what is proper, how to get back to the kindness, how to fight for those who have no voices. I have heard that everyone has an opinion so you just need to keep yours to yourself because your children are watching and will model yours. Well, guess what. I don’t want my children to keep quiet. They were born to be heard, just as I was. I want them to stand up to injustices and abuse. I want them to say, “Oh, heck no! You cannot do that to me! It is not acceptable!” I want them to know that sometimes you have to make a stand. But I do agree that there are respectful ways to do it. Calling other people stupid is probably not a good way to do it. So while I will not apologize for feeling pain and hurt for a soul who was lost to something as horrid as abuse, I will promise to try to take a breath, go for a walk and think out my blog before I post it. I will try.
Have a blessed weekend and remember; Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

You Can’t Fix Stupid

A friend posted on Facebook this morning, “The smarter you get the less you speak”. I absolutely love this Arabic proverb and can completely relate to this. With social media sites and text messages replacing face to face interactions, I’m finding more and more people with less filters and less common sense. This last is mind boggling for me and what I once believed an ingrained, natural gene in the human species, I am now realizing that it must be taught. And now a days it’s not.

Everyone has an opinion, they are just like, well, the holes where our waste leaves. And it seems like everyone wants or has a desire to argue with anything. I could post on social media that we have a wonderful spring ahead of us and I guarantee that someone will post under it arguing the opposite. I’ve seen how a simple, helpful post has turned into a bashing, ugly argument platform for those who desire that negative interaction. Luckily I don’t have too many of those, as I choose my friends very carefully, but because I’m a public figure on social media, I still get a looney bin or two. Now I don’t mind an intelligent, legitimate debate. Debates are great and they expand your mind. My best friend up here has no qualms of offering her opinion but she explains her point of view, the reasons and facts that back it. She never attacks, insults or makes snide remarks. She tells it like it is. And because I don’t have a chip on my shoulder and am open to expanding my opinions and knowledge, I enjoy our conversations.

I’m finding that she is a dying breed. Too many people are posting intentionally shocking posts, speaking (or typing in this situation) without really re-reading what they are about to post. Just today I read a post of a person who I think was trying to offer a logical argument. I read and re-read the post this person typed and thought to myself, “Oh my gosh, did you even read what you just posted? All I could do was shake my head and scroll on. It’s called editing people. All great writers do it and now that the world has boiled society down to a bunch of writers interacting on the social media sites, I suggest more people do it. I encourage intelligent comments, posts and deep conversations. I do not support bashing, hate posts or ugly words at all. It’s uncalled for and shows lack of respect. Until then, I’m going to adopt the Arabic proverb. I’ll read social posts, I may like them, but if someone lacks common sense I’m just going to keep on scrolling. And I’ll remain silent because, well, you just can’t fix stupid.

Changes Coming Soon…

I’ve been sitting back and reading, listening, watching. Society on the whole is failing, miserably. We are quick to judge, quick to condemn and quick to jump in with a lynch mob without getting facts, (real facts, not what someone has twisted and posted on social media) and it’s been disturbing. I’ve had to take some time to do some soul searching because I was finding myself being brought down. My Miss Susie Sunshine personality was fading behind the clouds and I was starting to behave along with the masses. This was not acceptable to me because honestly, I know I’m better than that.

So here’s to a new chapter in at least my life. We are getting ready to move to a new city, my girls will be going to a new school, I have new books ready to be published and released to the world, we are beginning to travel to other countries, life is good. Why? Because of all of these things happening? Partly. They were brought into my life because I created this good, I asked for it, accepted them into my life then let it go (as Elsa would sing) I knew God had it. Yes, God. No, not religion. I’m am not a religious person by ANY means. I’m spiritual, I believe in God, believe in Jesus and believe that there are many angels and souls who guide and protect us. I do NOT believe that because someone is not a specific religion that they are going to hell, not going with God, not saved. But these are MY beliefs and I won’t push them on anyone. I respect everyone’s beliefs just as much as I expect them to respect my beliefs. But again, I won’t go farther into this. I’m not a preacher of God, I’m just here to learn lessons, enjoy life and be the best version of myself that I can be.

I’m not going to post everyday because well, heck, you’d be bored within a week. Plus, we all have lives, right? I’m hoping that this year will bring you as many blessings as it will me. It’s the year of the horse! All is well! So as I fix up my house to sell, I’ll share pictures, ideas, thoughts and frustrations because as we all know, you are NOT alone!

Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

Happy Easter 2014

At least it hasn’t been 24 months! Though I’m being pulled in a bazillion directions, writing is always on my mind. It’s not something that I can get away from nor do I want to but in my desperate attempts to make my family’s lives better, I’ve missed out on major signs and lessons.

There is hope though. I’ve learned so much this past year, about myself, my husband, my children, my friends. I’ve learned that I can’t make everyone happy, nor is it my job to. Friends are going to move, people are going to come in and out of my life and I can’t change that. Nor can I change jobs/work opportunities that come flitting in and out of my life. What I can change and focus on is what makes me happy and how I can keep that joy in my life.

I have a very blessed life. A husband who, after 11 years of marriage, is still my best friend and I his. Two beautiful children who are growing up to be compassionate and kind souls. Friends, family and fans who support my seemingly numerous career paths I have tried the past 2 years. I thank everyone for that because it really allowed me to find myself and figure out who I enjoy being and what I love to do.

Within the past twenty-four months I have developed a business plan, opened a business, was a substitute teacher, sold a business, fell onto another business and finished a novel. What I learned from all of this? I really enjoy leather work and I LOVE writing/editing/anything to do with the printed word! I love my imagination, my creativity and the freedom that it allows me. I also enjoy getting to know other author’s, editors, illustrators, agents and fans. It’s a very enriching field if you allow the positives to flow into your life and block out most of the negatives.

The moral of my story is that I’ve finally figured out my career love, the people who allow my light to shine and I can bring light to theirs. A place where I feel like I fit in and don’t have to explain myself. A love that is reciprocated and never ending. I hope that you have found your unconditional love, that “thing” that drives you every day and makes you wake up with a smile and a song in your heart. And as always, Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

What do you mean it’s been over 24 months???

It’s an amazing thing how fast time flies and even with you’re most pure and sincerest intentions you can accidentally let people down or be unable to keep promises. That is so true with my writing.

Right after my novel, With Love; Now & Forever, hit #1 on Amazon, I had quite a few not-so-nice people take advantage of me and it really hurt my feelings. I know, no one can hurt your feelings unless you allow them to but I was very trusting and riding high on becoming a best selling author. I decided to take a sabbatical for a year and now, twenty-six months later, am just now getting back into the swing of things. But let me tell you what a ride the past 26 months has been! I’ve learned more about myself, done more changes and have had more thrust upon me than I ever imagined.

When I took my sabbatical I spent the time playing on my property, planting a garden and playing house. I enjoyed the time with my daughters and my husband and really took a look at the man whom I had chosen as the father of my children. He had become an underground coal miner when the building recession hit and in the 16 months he’d been working there, I saw how much he had aged. His joints were hurting, he was graying and he was tired all of the time. I am a self proclaimed savior. I try and save everyone and work even harder when it’s someone whom I love so much. I created an amazing business plan to open a tack store and submitted it to my bank. My logic? If we built up a business then Steve could quit being an underground miner, we would have our own family store and all would be perfect. The problem? No one ever told us how much time that business would take and how precious that time would be if your child became ill. And that’s exactly what happened. Our 9 year-old daughter started having severe stomach pains. None of the doctors could figure it out and when she stopped eating and quickly dropped weight, they told us this was serious and to get to Children’s Hospital in Denver (over 200 miles away) immediately.

By this time we had been having to close the store several times to get to doctor’s appointments or the hospital for tests and the grumbling from customer’s did not fall on deaf ears. Steve wanted to shut the store down and I panicked and sold the store for pennies on the dollar. My main goal was that our hard work would not just disappear, it would continue on without us. And so it has. The great news in all of this is after performing 8 biopsies and a scope, the hospital found a bleeding ulcer in our daughter’s stomach. It was caused by stress and not disease. Yes, this was great news because they figured out what it was, what had caused it and we could treat it. It was no longer a mystery and we could move forward on healing her. What a blessing!

In the midst of all this chaos, I found out, with the help of an amazing medium down in Fort Collins, that I am an empath. This is VERY hard for me to talk about and I don’t take having this conversation lightly because during the time that I realized something was different about me, to finding out WHAT was different about me, I struggled with the fear, anger and resentment of having this gift, to where I am now, which is, grateful. This is me, this is who I am. If you don’t like it, there is the door because I’m still RaeAnne. I’m just able to make more sense of things that have and do happen to me. I’m still learning, and believe me, it is a serious learning process! I’m learning how to protect my own thoughts and my own emotions and figuring out how to keep them separate, not take on someone else’s feelings. And it’s hard because when I’m the only one in a room and “someone” wants to be heard and subjects their feelings/thoughts onto me, I have to stop and take a moment to protect myself before I can acknowledge them. It’s harder than anything I’ve studied in my life.

And that’s where I’m going to stop the conversation about that. I’ve learned that not everyone is as open minded as I am and the subject can make many people very uncomfortable. It’s something that I am still learning about and dealing with, not you, so I won’t impose this upon anyone. I have a select few that are comfortable with me talking with them, my support group you could say, so when I’m overwhelmed, not understanding or feeling frustrated with my gift, I feel safe enough to seek them out.

My biggest lesson over the past 2 years? Change is going to happen whether you like it or not, whether you are prepared for it or not. It’s how gracefully you embrace the change or if you are drug in, kicking and screaming, accomplishing nothing but exhausting yourself. I’ve left my tracks and I’m too tired to fight anymore so here I come, gracefully embracing the change. I’m excited that I will be able to reconnect with my fans, to hear what THEY think about my new books and have my writing therapy back in my life. I’ve also learned that I have some amazing friends, who have stuck with me the past 2 years, and even though I can’t “see” them every day, they let me know that they are there for me. That is one of the greatest gifts of all!

Life is meant to be fun! Enjoy the journey!

Juggling ADHD Balls

Wow, it’s been a while folks and for that I am sorry but as I look back on my posts I can see the defining path of self destruction that I was laying before me. Here I am, at a cross-road that can either ruin me or make my life more fulfilling and more successful. It’s this reason that I am taking a moment, taking a breath and looking around.

As you know, 2012 was all about my writing. I won the Master Koda Extreme Author Makeover Contest in January. In April, my metaphysical romance, With Love; Now & Forever, hit #1 on Amazon and I released another novel, Love’s Everlasting Song. Things were going great, I was writing and things were smooth for a few months. Then my youngest daughter got sick and I had some run in with people who took advantage of me professionally. The combination was too much and I decided to take a sabbatical from work. No writing, no publishing, no reviewing. I was done. Or so I thought.

I should know, being ADHD, that my mind is in constant motion. It’s one of the reasons there are many nights I get very little sleep and my ideas appear endless. It was during one of these restless nights that I realized we didn’t have a tack store in our town. For non-horsey people, it’s a place to buy saddles, bridles, items for you and your horse. Our community is still very old west; in fact the day we moved here, there was a gentleman who rode his horse into City Market, tied it to the lamp post and went grocery shopping, I am not lying. So to not have a place to buy these necessities was just crazy so I decided to approach the hubby about opening a store. To my extreme surprise, he agreed! I quickly threw together a business plan and with the help of a wonderful local banker, found the perfect company and applied for a small business loan. Within a couple of weeks, we were approved, secured our store location, came up with a name, secured the proper license and was in the process of remodeling the store for our May 1st opening.

Now as if that wasn’t enough chaos in such a short period of time, we started having people walk into our store with bags of boots asking if we were going to do boot repair. No, we replied, we didn’t know how and hadn’t even thought of it. After the 46th person walked through our yet-to-be-open doors requesting boot repair, we realized we had better start looking into it. By chance, (man does God/the Universe really look out for you if you let Him) a gentleman called about my gelding for sale. He came out and began talking about our store. He asked if we were going to do boot repair and I explained we were considering it but had never gone to school for it. He laughed, told me he was a retired cobbler and though he had taken some courses in cobbler schooling in Oklahoma, it’s basically a self taught art, and a dying one at that. He told me that if we were serious, he would teach us how to do boot and leather repair!

Needless to say, we were thrilled and after inquiry, found out this man has an amazing reputation as a boot repairman. We were learning under one of the best. After pricing the equipment, we decided that we would make a six month plan. We would open the tack store May 1st, and then if it did well enough, we would buy the boot repair equipment, remodel the store and start doing boot repair in November. Well let me tell you, I should know better than to make plans. Today is July 25th. We bought our boot repair equipment last week and this past Sunday and Monday remodeled our store. We have already been learning the boot repair process, (I did a pretty good job on some heels if I do say so myself) and will be “officially” be taking work August 1st. Though that hasn’t stopped the numerous people who have already dropped things off at our store stating they are fine with waiting.

My point to my ramblings is that you never know where life is going to take you and the saying “Be careful what you wish for” is oh-so-very true. I will never give up on my writing; it’s in my blood and in my soul. But I now have a new business, a growing new career and a new respect for business owners. I’m also happy to report; I have a healthy daughter again!

Life is meant to be fun; enjoy the journey my friends