Tag Archive | stress

In sickness and health, in survivorness and wealth

Boy has it been a crazy few months. Few months? Try almost a year! I can’t believe how long since I’ve last posted in my blog but as I’m finding out, there are MILLIONS of bloggers out there so I know you’ve had plenty of reading material and haven’t missed mine. But in the absence of my posting thoughts, I have been busy so with knowing that I might bore you, I’m going to share what I’ve been doing.

As many may or may not know, my youngest daughter has been sick. We have been in and out of the hospital for blood tests, regular tests, anything to Winter 20012.2013 005 Winter 20012.2013 038 Winter 20012.2013 041 Winter 20012.2013 047 Winter 20012.2013 056 Winter 20012.2013 060 Winter 20012.2013 063 Winter 20012.2013 064 Winter 20012.2013 065 Winter 20012.2013 067 Winter 20012.2013 068try to find out what’s wrong. My children are so very precious to me so every tear she shed I also shed. During this time I attempted to keep writing, marketing and promoting my books, along with many other talented writers and keep up on my chores of our little ranch. In the midst of this I ended up having to have a hysterectomy (I know, let’s just add a little more stress, eh?) but trying to keep up with everything I ended up ripping my incision twice, delaying my healing. Two deadlines were missed getting my latest 2 novels out, I was struggling to keep up with marketing and finally, after a mini-meltdown, I went on an author’s sabbatical to get a handle on things. Deep breath.

It’s a good thing that I did. We had one of the coldest winters in history and I struggled to keep my animals safe and fresh water to them. My husband was driving 52 miles one-way to work in blizzard conditions, alternating between 13 hour day and graveyard shifts. The medication the doctor’s had put my daughter on was not working and my oldest daughter was not understanding why Mommy was spending so much time with little sister. Of course during this chaos, we had a presidential election and our country has been split and building into a crisis mode. Unease is flourishing throughout the country. It’s time for a change, literally.

I have always been aware of hormones, processed foods and the health of our beings. I’ve bought organic for my family and have been learning how to make my own anything. When the price of beef skyrocketed in our small town, I began to eye our deer differently. What if our society collapsed as we know it? How would we feed our family? I need to take care of my own. So begins the Hadley Ranch. We are fixing up the small barn for pigs and goats and because our property isn’t large enough to grow our own beef, Steve has applied for the tags to get the deer and elk that wander on and around our property. I’ve started my non-GMO seeds so the plants will be ready for our greenhouse and will be taking my hunter’s safety course so that if need be, I can help provide and defend my family. Do I think we are headed for a collapse? I don’t know but I’d rather hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

As far as how my writing is going? Well, you can put an author on sabbatical but their brain never goes on vacation. I’ve started writing the story about my father who suffered and ultimately died of a stroke. I want to write a help book for those families affected by stroke to hopefully help them understand the emotions and side-effects of it. I’ve also started doing research on our home, which appears to be haunted. With the help of some amazing people, I have uncovered some really interesting history in the place we now call home. I think it should be interesting and I know will turn into an amazing story.

So there it is in a nutshell. I’ve gone from best-selling author of metaphysical romance to a survivalist, pioneer woman, natural healer, detective. My ADHD is loving this though my calm nature is screaming out for a time out. We shall see…we shall see….

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Crying Over Cut Broccoli

As most of my friends and fans know, my life has been a whirlwind of changes and challenges this past year. Between moving, leaving my job over health issues, becoming a bestselling author and trying to keep up with my family, I have been a little overwhelmed. No one wondered or thought it strange when my Miss Suzie Sunshine personality became cloudy and dark. We all chalked it up to stress and too much on my plate. I went in for a physical in March because the exhaustion and irritability were becoming more prominent but after a complete exam and blood work. That was when they found the lump in my breast and a mass in my uterus.

I went to a specialist in Denver for my breast and my family and I cried in relief when the tests came back negative for breast cancer. The biopsy from the mass in my uterus also came back negative and it was believed that I was just under a lot of stress and pressure. Everyone said that the explanation made sense, everyone but me. I just didn’t buy it. I wasn’t stressed or under pressure. I’ve been there. Being a service manager at a large automotive dealership, working 16-18 hours a day, dealing with people who are angry that their car broke down or how much it costs to fix it, that’s stress and under pressure. I was playing on 35 acres, planting my garden, playing with my horses and children, being a wife and mother. I was in heaven! It slapped me up along side of the head that something major was wrong when twice I behaved in a way I never had before. The first, I yelled at my beautiful daughters just because they were playing in the mud, making mud pies and castles. Normally I would be out there joining them but this day I hollered because of how dirty they were. I’ll never forget their shocked and pained faces; it breaks my heart every time. The second occurrence was when I was in my garden cutting broccoli to steam for supper and I began crying, apologizing to the broccoli for killing it! How insane is that??? I knew then that I had to get help.

I found a specialist who deals with female hormones in Steamboat and made an appointment to see her. After describing my symptoms she asked if we could do a physical and also an ultrasound of my uterus. I thought that was a little unusual but agreed. We went into another room and she turned the monitor around so that I could see what she could. In vibrant blue and red colors, I looked like I was pregnant with forty little alien babies! I had so many polyps, masses and disease that my body basically thought I was pregnant and was pumping so many hormones into my body that it was completely messing me up. It was recommended that I have a hysterectomy as soon as possible, leaving my ovaries for natural, and normal hormone production. Feeling so relieved that I wasn’t going insane and that there was a reason for my actions, I quickly agreed.

I am now almost four weeks post surgery and yes, sometimes I still cry but it is because of the joy and happiness that I feel over feeling me again! The biopsies that came back on my uterus were all benign which is a reason for joy but also my inner joy and happiness is back. My girls tell me all of the time that they are glad that their fun mommy is back and I laugh so much more. My husband is thrilled that he has his loving wife back and the irrational, hormonal one is gone. And I feel fantastic! I have more energy, don’t sleep as much and also excited that I will be able to get back on my work out routine and not have it disrupted a week out of every month.

I am writing this article because I want to encourage any woman who has noticed a change in personality or stress or just feels off to go get checked out. And if the first doc says there is nothing wrong, get a second opinion! That’s what I did and I’m so glad I listened to myself and my body. And don’t be embarrassed to ask the questions, regardless of what you find out. I asked all of the “embarrassing” questions, like would I still enjoy sex? Could I still have an orgasm? Would it hurt or feel different? Would this cause any problems with my bladder? If you don’t know of anyone who has gone through a hysterectomy or aren’t comfortable talking to them, HysterSisters is an amazing support system that allows members to be completely anonymous. If you’re still uncomfortable with that feel free to email me. I’m not a doctor, have no medical experience but I do have experience as a woman, both hormonally insane and sane! My email is raeannehadley@hotmail.com. Granted, I still cry. I cry at the blessed life that I have, the beautiful and amazing family that I have but I don’t cry over cut broccoli anymore.

Life’s meant to be fun; enjoy the journey!

Just a Mom. Yeah, right!

Mid-life crisis, financial changes, moving, career change, death. These are all things that have a huge impact on our lives including how we interact with other people. We all react differently, handle things differently and others looking in may not like or understand how you handle your situation. The most important thing that you need to remember is you need to deal with it. What makes you feel the most comfortable, most secure, what makes the most sense is more important than someone else’s opinion. Having said that, you also need to remember that if there are children in our lives, they are sensitive to what you are going through and their feelings/thoughts are important too.

For the past two weeks I have been dealing with all of the above. I’m not one (anymore) who blurts out everything of what I am going through or the struggle that I am dealing with. Instead I’ve learned that if I sit back and watch what is unfolding, to gather as much information as possible, to find a peace no matter how awful a situation may be, nine times out of ten the decision I make will tend to be the best outcome. So I have retreated into the comforting arms of my house, privacy, animals and family. I put aside my writing, my blogs, my marketing and promoting my books even though I was right in the middle of promoting my paranormal romance, Shadows. I needed to make time and breathe. I’m coming out of this struggle, (I wish I could say unscathed but then what would be the point of going through the struggle in the first place?) and I’m finding a new balance in my life. I’ve allowed myself to be just a woman, just a mom, just a wife, as if there is such a thing as “just” for us. Allowing myself this time, I’ve seen how much I have missed and that I need to once again adjust my life. My daughters, who are the most important people in my life, are struggling and needing their mother. My 5 year-old had the most horrific nightmare the other night that her entire body was shaking and she was physically nauseous. It took 2 hours to calm her down and even then, she was wrapped around my arm in a death grip before she allowed herself to fall asleep again. Tonight she was so scared that even tucked into my bed with the light on and the dogs in the room, she would not fall asleep unless she was touching me. I know that she is picking up on my struggle, my emotions and my inner disease which brings me back to my struggle on how to deal with things.

We ALL go through struggles, successes, failures, changes, life lessons. We all wonder if we are on the right path or sometimes ask, ‘how the heck did I get on this road?’ We all deal with them differently, see them in a varied light but in the end the decision needs to be our own. The thought that I present is that perhaps, if you see a friend, family member, co-worker struggling with a life issue, maybe hold your tongue, your opinion and simply ask what you can do for them. Maybe it’s watching the kids for a couple hours so they can take a breather, a casserole that just needs popped into the oven, a gift certificate for a mani/pedi or massage. The more we are able to fill their bucket, the easier it may be for them to fill their child’s bucket and with a drought going on in this world right now, we all need to lean on each other. Life is meant to be fun, even with the ruts, enjoy the journey.

Stress, we all have it

We all have stress. It’s as common and as natural as breathing. Don’t get misunderstand me, I didn’t mean that it wasn’t uncomfortable and at times, down right painful but so is childbirth yet it’s still a part of our lives. Stress is nothing new, though it’s been given a proper name just in the past 100 years. The types of stress we have dealt with have changed over the decades, most of us not having to worry about hunting for our food to survive or skinning enough animals to keep us warm during the freezing winter nights. The stresses we deal with have evolved and changed, adapting to our ever altering lives. We will never be without it yet can we learn how to properly deal with it or allow it to rule, possibly ruin our lives?

I am a very optimistic, very open, very loving person. Though I didn’t used to be. In my twenties, I was a very self-centered, very selfish and driven person. Everything I did or participated in was for my benefit, one way or another. My stresses back then were how fast, how far I could climb up the career ladder and having the best toys, the best vehicles, the best horses, the best of everything. I hit a brick wall when after receiving a prestigious award, was told by the owner of the dealership I worked at, off to the side of course, that I would never become the manager because I was a woman. My stress then morphed into what am I going to do with my career now, when I have invested so many years in this industry, only to find the ceiling for my advancement was lower than it was for my male counterparts.

Fast forward to my thirties. I took a hiatus from my career and accepted a temporary job at my sister’s company to get perspective. I moved my father out of his retirement apartment and in with me. I began searching for peace and stress free enjoyment. I met Steve. Those who know him know that he is completely opposite of me. I am very type A personality, a go getter, a planner, excessively controlling. He is laid back, everything always works out, it will still be there when I finally decide to deal with it, what’s the hurry, type personality. To coin the phrase, he was my ying to my yang. He taught me how to relax, to take joy in the world around me, the people around me and if you were quiet long enough you could see things change and grow, to blossom into beautiful things. It was because of him that I began to believe that I might be a good mom.

Flash forward one more time. Here I am in my forties with two beautiful girls, still married to my Steve, building a new career. I still have a drive to climb the career ladder and I still have stresses, just read a couple of negative reviews that I have received recently, but I have learned to surround myself with beautiful and calming friends. I know I am going to run into those who judge and criticize because as we ALL know we can’t please everyone but I’m learning how to defuse this new stress, how to turn my head and focus on something else that is blooming and changing. In this world of negativity, I choose to post only positive reviews. If I can’t “fill someone’s bucket”, as my 8 year-old would say, then I choose not to say anything at all. There are professional reviewers out there that know how to correct and properly review an author’s book without being insulting and crass. They know how stressful being a professional writer is and to their own credit, act professionally too.

As we start heading into our summer months look at the stresses you have, see which ones you can set aside, which ones you have to address, which ones you can just let go. See if there is someone who’s bucket you can fill. Not only are you creating a joyous feeling that helps counteract stress for someone else but it’s been proven that it can eliminate or ease the tension in your own life. We all have stresses and will until the end of our days but it’s how we handle it that matters. Go fill someone’s bucket. Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!