Children, Animals, Kryptonite and Antibiotics

Since my last blog, I’ve received quite a few comments and questions as to whether or not I am alright. It seems that my normally friendly, sensitive nature took a vacation and my blunt, less than kind comments really concerned a few people. So I’ve taken the past week to really reflect on what is going on.

I have always been an animal lover. Anyone who knew my in my childhood can attest to that and my current friends also are aware of my passion. It’s one of the reasons we have so many critters on our little ranch. Since I’ve had my own two, beautiful little girls, I’ve become aware of the wrongs done to children and in turn, become very passionate to their rights. Children and animals have no rights, are often treated as objects and with social media bringing it to the front, it’s hard for me to ignore it. So my blood boils and I become physically sick when I see abuse, blatant or otherwise. What fired me up that day was a person who was trying to argue as to why they had allowed the abuse to continue. For over four years! I don’t care if you felt sad, lost, waiting for God to make that decision. You were the adult, this soul depended on you to protect and take care of it. By allowing the abuse to continue, you allowed that soul to suffer. It honestly broke my heart and I publicly lashed out. My bad.

Along with this dangerous combination is the fact I have been very, very sick for the past two months. The amount of prescribed medication is mind-blowing and my days are scheduled around when I have to take pills. This is not an excuse, it’s a fact, but I do need to hold myself accountable for how it reacts with my body. As my family has told me, I am a crabby person on this medicine. This is noted and I will not forget.

I have been struggling with what is proper, how to get back to the kindness, how to fight for those who have no voices. I have heard that everyone has an opinion so you just need to keep yours to yourself because your children are watching and will model yours. Well, guess what. I don’t want my children to keep quiet. They were born to be heard, just as I was. I want them to stand up to injustices and abuse. I want them to say, “Oh, heck no! You cannot do that to me! It is not acceptable!” I want them to know that sometimes you have to make a stand. But I do agree that there are respectful ways to do it. Calling other people stupid is probably not a good way to do it. So while I will not apologize for feeling pain and hurt for a soul who was lost to something as horrid as abuse, I will promise to try to take a breath, go for a walk and think out my blog before I post it. I will try.
Have a blessed weekend and remember; Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

You Can’t Fix Stupid

A friend posted on Facebook this morning, “The smarter you get the less you speak”. I absolutely love this Arabic proverb and can completely relate to this. With social media sites and text messages replacing face to face interactions, I’m finding more and more people with less filters and less common sense. This last is mind boggling for me and what I once believed an ingrained, natural gene in the human species, I am now realizing that it must be taught. And now a days it’s not.

Everyone has an opinion, they are just like, well, the holes where our waste leaves. And it seems like everyone wants or has a desire to argue with anything. I could post on social media that we have a wonderful spring ahead of us and I guarantee that someone will post under it arguing the opposite. I’ve seen how a simple, helpful post has turned into a bashing, ugly argument platform for those who desire that negative interaction. Luckily I don’t have too many of those, as I choose my friends very carefully, but because I’m a public figure on social media, I still get a looney bin or two. Now I don’t mind an intelligent, legitimate debate. Debates are great and they expand your mind. My best friend up here has no qualms of offering her opinion but she explains her point of view, the reasons and facts that back it. She never attacks, insults or makes snide remarks. She tells it like it is. And because I don’t have a chip on my shoulder and am open to expanding my opinions and knowledge, I enjoy our conversations.

I’m finding that she is a dying breed. Too many people are posting intentionally shocking posts, speaking (or typing in this situation) without really re-reading what they are about to post. Just today I read a post of a person who I think was trying to offer a logical argument. I read and re-read the post this person typed and thought to myself, “Oh my gosh, did you even read what you just posted? All I could do was shake my head and scroll on. It’s called editing people. All great writers do it and now that the world has boiled society down to a bunch of writers interacting on the social media sites, I suggest more people do it. I encourage intelligent comments, posts and deep conversations. I do not support bashing, hate posts or ugly words at all. It’s uncalled for and shows lack of respect. Until then, I’m going to adopt the Arabic proverb. I’ll read social posts, I may like them, but if someone lacks common sense I’m just going to keep on scrolling. And I’ll remain silent because, well, you just can’t fix stupid.

Changes Coming Soon…

I’ve been sitting back and reading, listening, watching. Society on the whole is failing, miserably. We are quick to judge, quick to condemn and quick to jump in with a lynch mob without getting facts, (real facts, not what someone has twisted and posted on social media) and it’s been disturbing. I’ve had to take some time to do some soul searching because I was finding myself being brought down. My Miss Susie Sunshine personality was fading behind the clouds and I was starting to behave along with the masses. This was not acceptable to me because honestly, I know I’m better than that.

So here’s to a new chapter in at least my life. We are getting ready to move to a new city, my girls will be going to a new school, I have new books ready to be published and released to the world, we are beginning to travel to other countries, life is good. Why? Because of all of these things happening? Partly. They were brought into my life because I created this good, I asked for it, accepted them into my life then let it go (as Elsa would sing) I knew God had it. Yes, God. No, not religion. I’m am not a religious person by ANY means. I’m spiritual, I believe in God, believe in Jesus and believe that there are many angels and souls who guide and protect us. I do NOT believe that because someone is not a specific religion that they are going to hell, not going with God, not saved. But these are MY beliefs and I won’t push them on anyone. I respect everyone’s beliefs just as much as I expect them to respect my beliefs. But again, I won’t go farther into this. I’m not a preacher of God, I’m just here to learn lessons, enjoy life and be the best version of myself that I can be.

I’m not going to post everyday because well, heck, you’d be bored within a week. Plus, we all have lives, right? I’m hoping that this year will bring you as many blessings as it will me. It’s the year of the horse! All is well! So as I fix up my house to sell, I’ll share pictures, ideas, thoughts and frustrations because as we all know, you are NOT alone!

Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

Loving Life, Embracing Changes

When I went on sabbatical over two years ago, my life fell into a rut. It was nothing that I recognized and went unnoticed as most gradual occurrences do until my husband pointed out my dilemma. Once I was able to stand back and look at my life, I realized how easy it was to get sucked into life’s false drudgery. There were blessings and miracles around me every day but I had been focusing on the things I didn’t like. So I decided 2015 is going to be an amazing year, went back to writing and even decided to build my own recording studio so that I can create audio books for myself and fellow authors. I also decided to ride my horses more and my lovely husband bought me an amazing horse trailer so that I can join my friends for trail rides. Does that mean that the bad stuff went away? Oh, hell no. And I got sucked back in again, until yesterday.

I won’t go into details of what has happened because that’s putting the spotlight on the things that shouldn’t be important but I will tell you that just with changing my thought process on how I was going to deal with the issues has already made things easier. And the changes will be positive. We have decided to public home school our daughters this fall. I’m very excited about how far home education has come. When I was home schooled, it was books placed in front of me and I had to figure it out. Sink or swim. My girls will actually be Skyping their teacher every day, going over lessons, tests and what goals need to be met. I’m there to help with the easier questions but if there is something too hard, they call their teacher back! They will also be able to advance at their own level, which will be a blessing in itself. My youngest daughter is a science whiz and I half-jokingly fear she will graduate high school by the time she is twelve. And they will be learning actual life lessons. My eleven year-old already knows how to change brake pads on a car and they both know how to change the oil. They are learning how to garden and horticulture and this fall, they will be actively participating with canning our food for the winter. And because writing is my passion, they will be publishing their own books. They will learn how to format their book for the different publishing platforms, interacting with illustrators, editors and learn how to market. They will have their own checking accounts so that when their royalties are paid, they can balance their checkbooks.

On my own journey, I’m branching out. I went to my first writer’s convention and met some amazing people. I’ve said that I’ve always wanted to be a Harlequin author if I ever signed on with a traditional publisher and no one else. At this convention I listened to Chief Executive Officer and Publisher, Liz Pelletier, give a seminar on editing, how the publishing market has changed and the key ingredients of a best seller. This woman is amazing and inspiring and I swear she could sell sand in the Moab Desert. Honestly, if I were offered a contract with Harlequin and Entangled Publishing at the same time, there would be no hesitation, I would be signing with Entangled. She really has her finger on the pulse of today’s market. I’m also striving to finish sequels to books that my fans have been literally begging for. Shadows and With Love sagas will be continuing on, along with some new, stand-alone novels that I have been working on. Twisted Eidolon will be released this year but is currently being reviewed by an incredible editor, Lydia Sharp, who works for Entangled Publishing (yes, I’m SQUEEEEEING inside!!) and hoping that they find it worthy of their name.

While troublesome things are still popping their ugly little heads up in my life, I’m choosing to ignore them and embrace and recognize even the smallest miracles that happen. It keeps me from falling into that rut and keeps the excitement flowing. I’m sure I’ll fall back into a rut at some point, I’m far from perfecting this life, but when I do I hope I have the ability to recognize it and change it, or have another wonderful soul in my life to point it out to me. A 2×4 across the head is okay too.

Life is meant to be fun; Enjoy the journey!

This entry was posted on May 17, 2015. 1 Comment

Happy May Day

I used to make fun of “older” people, like my mom or dad, who used to say that as you get older the time starts slipping away. Being ADHD and slightly, ahem, immature for my age, time felt like it took forever and certain days, activities and accomplishments were always just beyond. Now I’m part of that “older” group as my eleven year-old and eight year-old daughters like to point out and I have to admit, my mom and dad were right. Time slips by faster and faster each year.

I know we can’t bring back time, recover lost years or create more hours in a day but I’ve decided to start weeding out the things that I thought were important and giving that time to the things that really are important. Happiness, health, family and friends. A little over two years ago, as you may remember, my then nine year-old daughter became ill. After biopsies and a very scary endoscopy, we found she had a large stress ulcer. It was during this time that I stopped writing; no blogs, no novels, no journals, nada. I stressed, I fretted and I worried as any mother would. I lost myself and became the “worried” mom. This past Christmas, my lovely husband pulled me aside and informed me that I was sad, I was not the happy-go-lucky person I used to be and he suggested that I get back into my writing. I was happy when I wrote and he wanted to see me happy again. “Happy wife; happy life” he joked. So I picked up a novel that I had almost finished a few years back, tweaked and changed and completed it a couple months ago. I sent it off to one of my editors who informed me that she saw huge growth in my writing and believed that this was possibly my best novel yet. Words every writer loves to hear, no matter how long you’ve been writing.

So this spring, I will release my latest novel, the first in over two years. I will also be getting back to writing on my blog and while I won’t promise you every day, I will be more dependable than I have been in the past. But be prepared. It’s not going to be just about my writing, or my children’s health. It’s going to be more about life, the time we have here and what we choose to do with it. I’m getting back to my basics, baking my bread, growing my vegetables, raising my chickens and loving the blessings I have in my life. I’ll also introduce you to some pretty interesting people who have agreed to be a part of my crazy journey. Again, I’m very blessed that I am surrounded by those who embrace my wacky thoughts and “younger” ideas on what time really means.

Life is supposed to be fun; Enjoy the journey

Happy Easter 2014

At least it hasn’t been 24 months! Though I’m being pulled in a bazillion directions, writing is always on my mind. It’s not something that I can get away from nor do I want to but in my desperate attempts to make my family’s lives better, I’ve missed out on major signs and lessons.

There is hope though. I’ve learned so much this past year, about myself, my husband, my children, my friends. I’ve learned that I can’t make everyone happy, nor is it my job to. Friends are going to move, people are going to come in and out of my life and I can’t change that. Nor can I change jobs/work opportunities that come flitting in and out of my life. What I can change and focus on is what makes me happy and how I can keep that joy in my life.

I have a very blessed life. A husband who, after 11 years of marriage, is still my best friend and I his. Two beautiful children who are growing up to be compassionate and kind souls. Friends, family and fans who support my seemingly numerous career paths I have tried the past 2 years. I thank everyone for that because it really allowed me to find myself and figure out who I enjoy being and what I love to do.

Within the past twenty-four months I have developed a business plan, opened a business, was a substitute teacher, sold a business, fell onto another business and finished a novel. What I learned from all of this? I really enjoy leather work and I LOVE writing/editing/anything to do with the printed word! I love my imagination, my creativity and the freedom that it allows me. I also enjoy getting to know other author’s, editors, illustrators, agents and fans. It’s a very enriching field if you allow the positives to flow into your life and block out most of the negatives.

The moral of my story is that I’ve finally figured out my career love, the people who allow my light to shine and I can bring light to theirs. A place where I feel like I fit in and don’t have to explain myself. A love that is reciprocated and never ending. I hope that you have found your unconditional love, that “thing” that drives you every day and makes you wake up with a smile and a song in your heart. And as always, Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

What do you mean it’s been over 24 months???

It’s an amazing thing how fast time flies and even with you’re most pure and sincerest intentions you can accidentally let people down or be unable to keep promises. That is so true with my writing.

Right after my novel, With Love; Now & Forever, hit #1 on Amazon, I had quite a few not-so-nice people take advantage of me and it really hurt my feelings. I know, no one can hurt your feelings unless you allow them to but I was very trusting and riding high on becoming a best selling author. I decided to take a sabbatical for a year and now, twenty-six months later, am just now getting back into the swing of things. But let me tell you what a ride the past 26 months has been! I’ve learned more about myself, done more changes and have had more thrust upon me than I ever imagined.

When I took my sabbatical I spent the time playing on my property, planting a garden and playing house. I enjoyed the time with my daughters and my husband and really took a look at the man whom I had chosen as the father of my children. He had become an underground coal miner when the building recession hit and in the 16 months he’d been working there, I saw how much he had aged. His joints were hurting, he was graying and he was tired all of the time. I am a self proclaimed savior. I try and save everyone and work even harder when it’s someone whom I love so much. I created an amazing business plan to open a tack store and submitted it to my bank. My logic? If we built up a business then Steve could quit being an underground miner, we would have our own family store and all would be perfect. The problem? No one ever told us how much time that business would take and how precious that time would be if your child became ill. And that’s exactly what happened. Our 9 year-old daughter started having severe stomach pains. None of the doctors could figure it out and when she stopped eating and quickly dropped weight, they told us this was serious and to get to Children’s Hospital in Denver (over 200 miles away) immediately.

By this time we had been having to close the store several times to get to doctor’s appointments or the hospital for tests and the grumbling from customer’s did not fall on deaf ears. Steve wanted to shut the store down and I panicked and sold the store for pennies on the dollar. My main goal was that our hard work would not just disappear, it would continue on without us. And so it has. The great news in all of this is after performing 8 biopsies and a scope, the hospital found a bleeding ulcer in our daughter’s stomach. It was caused by stress and not disease. Yes, this was great news because they figured out what it was, what had caused it and we could treat it. It was no longer a mystery and we could move forward on healing her. What a blessing!

In the midst of all this chaos, I found out, with the help of an amazing medium down in Fort Collins, that I am an empath. This is VERY hard for me to talk about and I don’t take having this conversation lightly because during the time that I realized something was different about me, to finding out WHAT was different about me, I struggled with the fear, anger and resentment of having this gift, to where I am now, which is, grateful. This is me, this is who I am. If you don’t like it, there is the door because I’m still RaeAnne. I’m just able to make more sense of things that have and do happen to me. I’m still learning, and believe me, it is a serious learning process! I’m learning how to protect my own thoughts and my own emotions and figuring out how to keep them separate, not take on someone else’s feelings. And it’s hard because when I’m the only one in a room and “someone” wants to be heard and subjects their feelings/thoughts onto me, I have to stop and take a moment to protect myself before I can acknowledge them. It’s harder than anything I’ve studied in my life.

And that’s where I’m going to stop the conversation about that. I’ve learned that not everyone is as open minded as I am and the subject can make many people very uncomfortable. It’s something that I am still learning about and dealing with, not you, so I won’t impose this upon anyone. I have a select few that are comfortable with me talking with them, my support group you could say, so when I’m overwhelmed, not understanding or feeling frustrated with my gift, I feel safe enough to seek them out.

My biggest lesson over the past 2 years? Change is going to happen whether you like it or not, whether you are prepared for it or not. It’s how gracefully you embrace the change or if you are drug in, kicking and screaming, accomplishing nothing but exhausting yourself. I’ve left my tracks and I’m too tired to fight anymore so here I come, gracefully embracing the change. I’m excited that I will be able to reconnect with my fans, to hear what THEY think about my new books and have my writing therapy back in my life. I’ve also learned that I have some amazing friends, who have stuck with me the past 2 years, and even though I can’t “see” them every day, they let me know that they are there for me. That is one of the greatest gifts of all!

Life is meant to be fun! Enjoy the journey!