Children, Animals, Kryptonite and Antibiotics

Since my last blog, I’ve received quite a few comments and questions as to whether or not I am alright. It seems that my normally friendly, sensitive nature took a vacation and my blunt, less than kind comments really concerned a few people. So I’ve taken the past week to really reflect on what is going on.

I have always been an animal lover. Anyone who knew my in my childhood can attest to that and my current friends also are aware of my passion. It’s one of the reasons we have so many critters on our little ranch. Since I’ve had my own two, beautiful little girls, I’ve become aware of the wrongs done to children and in turn, become very passionate to their rights. Children and animals have no rights, are often treated as objects and with social media bringing it to the front, it’s hard for me to ignore it. So my blood boils and I become physically sick when I see abuse, blatant or otherwise. What fired me up that day was a person who was trying to argue as to why they had allowed the abuse to continue. For over four years! I don’t care if you felt sad, lost, waiting for God to make that decision. You were the adult, this soul depended on you to protect and take care of it. By allowing the abuse to continue, you allowed that soul to suffer. It honestly broke my heart and I publicly lashed out. My bad.

Along with this dangerous combination is the fact I have been very, very sick for the past two months. The amount of prescribed medication is mind-blowing and my days are scheduled around when I have to take pills. This is not an excuse, it’s a fact, but I do need to hold myself accountable for how it reacts with my body. As my family has told me, I am a crabby person on this medicine. This is noted and I will not forget.

I have been struggling with what is proper, how to get back to the kindness, how to fight for those who have no voices. I have heard that everyone has an opinion so you just need to keep yours to yourself because your children are watching and will model yours. Well, guess what. I don’t want my children to keep quiet. They were born to be heard, just as I was. I want them to stand up to injustices and abuse. I want them to say, “Oh, heck no! You cannot do that to me! It is not acceptable!” I want them to know that sometimes you have to make a stand. But I do agree that there are respectful ways to do it. Calling other people stupid is probably not a good way to do it. So while I will not apologize for feeling pain and hurt for a soul who was lost to something as horrid as abuse, I will promise to try to take a breath, go for a walk and think out my blog before I post it. I will try.
Have a blessed weekend and remember; Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

Happy May Day

I used to make fun of “older” people, like my mom or dad, who used to say that as you get older the time starts slipping away. Being ADHD and slightly, ahem, immature for my age, time felt like it took forever and certain days, activities and accomplishments were always just beyond. Now I’m part of that “older” group as my eleven year-old and eight year-old daughters like to point out and I have to admit, my mom and dad were right. Time slips by faster and faster each year.

I know we can’t bring back time, recover lost years or create more hours in a day but I’ve decided to start weeding out the things that I thought were important and giving that time to the things that really are important. Happiness, health, family and friends. A little over two years ago, as you may remember, my then nine year-old daughter became ill. After biopsies and a very scary endoscopy, we found she had a large stress ulcer. It was during this time that I stopped writing; no blogs, no novels, no journals, nada. I stressed, I fretted and I worried as any mother would. I lost myself and became the “worried” mom. This past Christmas, my lovely husband pulled me aside and informed me that I was sad, I was not the happy-go-lucky person I used to be and he suggested that I get back into my writing. I was happy when I wrote and he wanted to see me happy again. “Happy wife; happy life” he joked. So I picked up a novel that I had almost finished a few years back, tweaked and changed and completed it a couple months ago. I sent it off to one of my editors who informed me that she saw huge growth in my writing and believed that this was possibly my best novel yet. Words every writer loves to hear, no matter how long you’ve been writing.

So this spring, I will release my latest novel, the first in over two years. I will also be getting back to writing on my blog and while I won’t promise you every day, I will be more dependable than I have been in the past. But be prepared. It’s not going to be just about my writing, or my children’s health. It’s going to be more about life, the time we have here and what we choose to do with it. I’m getting back to my basics, baking my bread, growing my vegetables, raising my chickens and loving the blessings I have in my life. I’ll also introduce you to some pretty interesting people who have agreed to be a part of my crazy journey. Again, I’m very blessed that I am surrounded by those who embrace my wacky thoughts and “younger” ideas on what time really means.

Life is supposed to be fun; Enjoy the journey

Why I have been MIA part II

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As you can imagine after reading my last post, I have been quite busy. Fighting hormones and having a subsequent hysterectomy is hard enough but I’m like all of the other mothers, wives and career women out there, unless it’s bleeding or broken I’ll keep adding stuff to my plate. In addition to moving to our 35 acres and bringing the horses home, I knew that we were going to need the proper equipment for us to function this winter. We live on the western side of the Colorado Rockies so that means we usually get A LOT of snow. I knew that a front wheel drive minivan and a front wheel drive VW Passat were not going to dig us out if we got hit so we knew we had to get a truck. Our problem? With all of the surgeries, doctor’s appointments, moving, getting hay, etc. our savings account was NOT in the black. Putting the word out to my friends that I was looking for a cheap truck a friend of mine text me that a friend of his had a four-wheel drive truck for $250, just needed a front brake caliper. I’m mechanical, I can handle some light work so after walking around it decided to buy it.

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In my excitement that I got such a great deal, I didn’t ask how long it had been sitting, which turned out to be a year. A vehicle that sits for a year means that all of the gaskets, rubber parts have dried out and your vehicle will start leaking vital fluids. So after this baby was running for a while, puddles began to form on the ground underneath it. In addition to the seals and gaskets I found out that it didn’t need the brake caliper replaced because it was missing, it needed replaced because the person seized up the brake on that side, destroying the entire braking system in the front. But that’s still ok, I can do that and I have the tools to do that. I started taking the front end apart and to my terror found out that in order to replace the brake rotors (big flat metal plates that your brakes grip onto to stop your vehicle) I had to remove the hubs (parts/gears that make a four-wheel drive a four-wheel drive) I have NEVER removed hubs or repacked wheel bearings so this scared the bejimminies out of me. What if I did it wrong? Thank heavens for cameras in cell phones because I took pictures of every step of disassembly and I referred back to it often!

All in all I was able to replace the entire front brake system, resealed the critical leaking gaskets and have our $250 truck running for about $500 including the purchase price. I have taken it four-wheeling so I know it’s going to work great in the snow and it is now at the welder’s to get the snow plow put on. It was a lot of work but I have to tell you that I am super proud that I stuck with it, even when I was scared and doubted myself and now when I fire up that truck a wonderful sense of accomplishment flows through me. I did it myself and saved us thousands of dollars that it would have cost had we taken it to the dealership. We have a very functional, working truck for winter. Now to start figuring out how to do the body work!

Never doubt yourself. It’s ok to be scared and even ask for help but if you’re determined and want to do something new, just persevere! Remember, life is meant to be fun; enjoy the journey!

Crying Over Cut Broccoli

As most of my friends and fans know, my life has been a whirlwind of changes and challenges this past year. Between moving, leaving my job over health issues, becoming a bestselling author and trying to keep up with my family, I have been a little overwhelmed. No one wondered or thought it strange when my Miss Suzie Sunshine personality became cloudy and dark. We all chalked it up to stress and too much on my plate. I went in for a physical in March because the exhaustion and irritability were becoming more prominent but after a complete exam and blood work. That was when they found the lump in my breast and a mass in my uterus.

I went to a specialist in Denver for my breast and my family and I cried in relief when the tests came back negative for breast cancer. The biopsy from the mass in my uterus also came back negative and it was believed that I was just under a lot of stress and pressure. Everyone said that the explanation made sense, everyone but me. I just didn’t buy it. I wasn’t stressed or under pressure. I’ve been there. Being a service manager at a large automotive dealership, working 16-18 hours a day, dealing with people who are angry that their car broke down or how much it costs to fix it, that’s stress and under pressure. I was playing on 35 acres, planting my garden, playing with my horses and children, being a wife and mother. I was in heaven! It slapped me up along side of the head that something major was wrong when twice I behaved in a way I never had before. The first, I yelled at my beautiful daughters just because they were playing in the mud, making mud pies and castles. Normally I would be out there joining them but this day I hollered because of how dirty they were. I’ll never forget their shocked and pained faces; it breaks my heart every time. The second occurrence was when I was in my garden cutting broccoli to steam for supper and I began crying, apologizing to the broccoli for killing it! How insane is that??? I knew then that I had to get help.

I found a specialist who deals with female hormones in Steamboat and made an appointment to see her. After describing my symptoms she asked if we could do a physical and also an ultrasound of my uterus. I thought that was a little unusual but agreed. We went into another room and she turned the monitor around so that I could see what she could. In vibrant blue and red colors, I looked like I was pregnant with forty little alien babies! I had so many polyps, masses and disease that my body basically thought I was pregnant and was pumping so many hormones into my body that it was completely messing me up. It was recommended that I have a hysterectomy as soon as possible, leaving my ovaries for natural, and normal hormone production. Feeling so relieved that I wasn’t going insane and that there was a reason for my actions, I quickly agreed.

I am now almost four weeks post surgery and yes, sometimes I still cry but it is because of the joy and happiness that I feel over feeling me again! The biopsies that came back on my uterus were all benign which is a reason for joy but also my inner joy and happiness is back. My girls tell me all of the time that they are glad that their fun mommy is back and I laugh so much more. My husband is thrilled that he has his loving wife back and the irrational, hormonal one is gone. And I feel fantastic! I have more energy, don’t sleep as much and also excited that I will be able to get back on my work out routine and not have it disrupted a week out of every month.

I am writing this article because I want to encourage any woman who has noticed a change in personality or stress or just feels off to go get checked out. And if the first doc says there is nothing wrong, get a second opinion! That’s what I did and I’m so glad I listened to myself and my body. And don’t be embarrassed to ask the questions, regardless of what you find out. I asked all of the “embarrassing” questions, like would I still enjoy sex? Could I still have an orgasm? Would it hurt or feel different? Would this cause any problems with my bladder? If you don’t know of anyone who has gone through a hysterectomy or aren’t comfortable talking to them, HysterSisters is an amazing support system that allows members to be completely anonymous. If you’re still uncomfortable with that feel free to email me. I’m not a doctor, have no medical experience but I do have experience as a woman, both hormonally insane and sane! My email is raeannehadley@hotmail.com. Granted, I still cry. I cry at the blessed life that I have, the beautiful and amazing family that I have but I don’t cry over cut broccoli anymore.

Life’s meant to be fun; enjoy the journey!

When book reviewers go too far…

As published writers we all put our work out to stranger’s eyes to be read, critiqued, loved or rejected. It’s the gamble that we take and we understand and accept that. It used to be that you’re work was reviewed by a professional and was posted for the world to see, good or bad. You read where you could improve, how your next piece of work could be better or you celebrated that the reviewer enjoyed your work. In this modern and advancing world, we have Indie authors, such as myself, and now have self-proclaimed Indie reviewers. As authors we have to learn, grow, improve or we will not survive in the eBooks world but what about the reviewers? Don’t they have a responsibility to other readers and other writers to learn how to critique, how to review?

Mechanics of Murder was my very first book, written over 8 years ago when I was filled with a passion yet very little knowledge. Most of my fans know the background of Mechanics and the emotions behind my story to finish it for my ailing father. It is not a grammatically perfect book, filled with errors of a novice writer who wanted her father to get better. I will never be ashamed of my book, will never regret putting it out there and have prepared myself for the negative reviews on my punctuation and my grammar. I’m really okay with that. After all, it’s how we grow and learn and my work has done the same. With Love; Now & Forever became a best-selling book this year and I’m SO very proud of this book but it wouldn’t be half the book it is if I hadn’t learned how to write properly. Thank you, Mechanics. But in a recent 1 star review, my evaluator tore apart my characters and how they acted/reacted in a story stating that it was unbelievable. They claimed that because my character was 30 years old, she wouldn’t get butterflies or tongue-tied when her love interest came into a room. This is the first time I have truly found a review deeply insulting and I walked away for a day but couldn’t let it go. So here is my question of the responsibility reviews should have.

All of my work stems from my own life experiences, as I’m finding is true with other fictional writers. It makes sense; this is the only life I’ve lived as far as I can remember so I have to draw on my own emotions and reactions to explain through my characters. My story Mechanics is loosely based on my life and the relationship part is the base of my relationship with my husband. I blushed when I saw him looking at me, I got butterflies in my stomach when he came near and my tongue was often tied when we talked. I was 32 years old. We will now be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary this year (yes, I’m 42 now) and I still get butterflies when I see him, I can’t keep my eyes off of him when we are in a room, he can still make me blush and often still literally sweeps me off of my feet. We are each others’ best friend and lovers. So when someone tells me that my characters wouldn’t act that way, it insults me because Steve and I do act that way and that is what I have to draw on for my characters. A part of me feels some pity for that person, that they either never had or no longer have that kind of relationship with a partner. But then my frustration kicks back in.

I welcome the reviews and critiques for my grammar, my formatting, and my layout. Without them I couldn’t continue to grow as an author, I wouldn’t be driven to learn to perfect my work which I know will never happen because I’m a human being, I’m not designed to be perfect. I welcome those who wish my plot was stronger or took a different direction, it drives me to come up with something that hasn’t been done (tough order for sure) but if you’re going to judge my work for all of the world to see, don’t tell me how I (or my character) would or would not react in a situation. We are all very different, individualistic people who make this world so interesting and exciting and we handle things distinctively. Keep your comments professional and limited to your knowledge of the written language and not something as unique as a person’s nature. Oh, one other little thing, if you want to be a reviewer and commentate on another’s work, make sure your own spelling is correct.

Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

To think or not to think?

New Year’s resolutions are starting to lose their appeal and the holiday for love is coming up. We are caught up in the stresses of filing tax returns, bills coming in from Christmas shopping and what to do for that special someone in our life on Valentine’s Day. Or, if you are not in a relationship currently, how to avoid all the mushy affectionate couples that tend to go a little overboard with their public affection. In my last blog, I hoped that I brought to your attention the most important person in your life and hopefully you will give them their just deserves. You won’t regret it. In this blog, I’d like to hear a goal, desire, fantasy, dream that you’ve had or set for yourself this year, no matter how far-fetched it may feel to you.

I honestly believe that the things you focus on the most are the things that you will bring more of in your life. You’re emotions regarding those things will also have an effect on what transpires in your life. Being a fairly positive person, I tend to focus on the blessings that I have, my healthy, beautiful, intelligent children, my loving husband, the house we are able to live in, the cars we drive, the food on our table. It’s because of my focus on the positive that I believe so many miracles have appeared in my life recently. But I am human and my worry about finances tainted my focus on the positive and that’s exactly what I brought in, more worry and fear. For the first time in our married life, we had the first month of no income, no paychecks. Let me tell you, it has been a hard lesson but a lesson it is. A week ago I began refocusing on the positive things in my life and lo and behold, things started turning around again. It was a hard lesson and a scary one but also one I won’t ever forget. I think the hardest lessons in our lives are the ones that tend to stay in the fore front of our memory.

So now I am focusing on being a best-selling author, a nurturing mother, a fantastic wife, a wonderful friend and an amazing author. It not only feels better emotionally but I’m able to reap the rewards of focusing on the positive. So now I invite you to tell me about the blessings in your life, the goals you have set, the dreams you have. And always remember, life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

Spoil yourself for Valentine’s

I’ve spent many years alone on Valentine’s Day and the past nine with the love of my life. I am truly grateful and feel blessed that I have my husband but I have to be honest, it took me 32 years to find him so I’ve lived through this holiday more often alone than with that “special someone”. It’s an obvious fact that this is a holiday that celebrates couples and partners but what if you were to tweak that perspective just a little? What if you were to see it as a celebration of your life, of how much you love and appreciate yourself?

You are the only person in this world that can take care of and nurture yourself the way that you need. No one else can possibly know your most inner thoughts, pain, joy, hopes and dreams, that’s privy to only you. So who better to treat and pamper you than you? And talk about the best time to do it! Chocolates are everywhere and it’s socially acceptable to indulge on them! Flowers are on sale, being delivered and smell divine! Why not send yourself a beautiful bouquet and have it signed, “A secret admirer”? It’s really nobody else’s business who your admirer is and you honestly should admire yourself. After all, there is only one of you in the entire world, isn’t that amazing? Take yourself out for a fabulous dinner and a movie afterwards. If you don’t like to do that by yourself, why not get a bunch of girlfriends together and have a girls’ night. Or order in, jump in your pj’s, grab a good book and a chilled bottle of wine and curl up on the couch. Tune out the rest of the world and just pamper yourself. This is the exact way I plan on spending my Valentine’s. Steve has to work that night and so once I put my children down, I’m grabbing my Kindle and indulging in a good story that I’ve been dying to read.

Running out of books? May I be so bold as to suggest one of mine? My newest book, Love’s Everlasting Song, I wrote because not once but in two different relationships I’ve caught the person cheating. The pain is so excruciating and so devestating. But I know that with every painful experience something wonderful comes from it and that is how I wrote this story. It is a classic, tender, romantic story that has it’s painful moments, as does life, but also offers hope and happy endings. And it’s a story that you wouldn’t be embarrassed to turn the page on! So if you want that sweet romance for your Valentine’s celebration, please check out my novel, Love’s Everlasting Song, on Amazon and show you how much you love yourself this holiday!

http://www.amazon.com/Loves-Everlasting-Song-ebook/dp/B006L74IW2/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1327783486&sr=8-7